When Putting Yourself Last Almost Cost Me Everything

For most of my life, I believed that being strong meant being selfless. I believed that leadership meant carrying more, that love meant giving without limits, and that rest was something you earned only after everything else was done. As a woman, I wore that belief like a badge of honor. I was proud of how much I could handle, how much I could give, and how rarely I asked for anything in return.

For a long time, that mindset seemed to work. Or at least, I told myself it did.

Just a few years ago, I was in one of the most demanding seasons of my career. My days regularly stretched to twelve hours, and I was traveling 60 to 70 percent of the time. Airports blurred together. Hotel rooms became my second home. My calendar was filled with back-to-back meetings, constant expectations, and the pressure to always perform at the highest level. At the same time, I was caring for my aging mother, navigating the emotional weight that comes with watching someone you love begin to need you in new and heartbreaking ways. I wanted to be present for her. I wanted to excel in my career. I wanted to be everything to everyone.

So, I kept going. I told myself I could handle it. I told myself it was just a season. I told myself I would slow down later, when things finally settled. What I did not tell myself was the truth. I was running on empty. I was ignoring the warning signs my body was sending. I was slowly disconnecting from my own health, my own needs, and my own sense of self, all while convincing myself that this was simply what strong women do.

Eventually, my body made a decision I had refused to make for myself. The symptoms were impossible to ignore. Exhaustion that sleep did not fix. Anxiety that lived just beneath the surface. Brain fog. Physical signals that made no sense for someone who was supposedly “fine.” Doctors could not point to one clear cause, but I knew something was deeply wrong. I was still functioning and still producing, but inside I was unraveling. I had pushed myself far beyond what was sustainable, and the cost was no longer theoretical. It was real, and it was showing up in my health.

The recovery was not quick, and it was not linear. It forced me to slow down in ways I had never allowed myself before. I had to rebuild my health intentionally. I had to learn how to rest without guilt and how to listen to my body instead of overriding it. I also had to confront the beliefs that had shaped my life for so long. I had equated my worth with productivity. I had believed that being needed mattered more than being well. I had assumed I could outwork my limits. I could not. And neither can you.

This is the part of the story we do not talk about enough, especially as women. When you consistently put yourself last, the cost is not just emotional. It becomes physical, mental, and long term. It shows up as burnout, chronic stress, health issues, resentment, and a quiet disconnection from who you are beneath all the roles you carry. You may still be succeeding. You may still be leading. You may still be holding everything together on the outside. But inside, something begins to erode: your clarity, your energy, your sense of self.

I see this every day in the women I coach. They are brilliant leaders, high performers, caregivers, executives, founders, mothers, daughters, and partners. They are holding extraordinary responsibility while quietly running on empty. And they often say the same things I once said: “I just need to get through this,” or “I will take care of myself later,” or “This is what strong women do.” What I had to learn, and what I now help others see, is that strength does not come from self-sacrifice. It comes from sustainability.

Putting yourself first is not selfish. It is survival. It is leadership. When you do not protect your energy, your health, and your sense of self, you do not become more capable. You become depleted. You become disconnected. You become someone who is living for everyone else while slowly losing yourself in the process. Choosing yourself does not mean you stop caring. It means you start caring in a way that allows you to remain whole. It means creating space to breathe, setting boundaries that may feel uncomfortable at first, and listening to the signals your body sends before they become alarms. It means honoring the truth that you are not limitless and that your well-being matters just as much as the people and the work you love.

My recovery changed everything about how I lead, how I work, and how I live. It taught me that success without health is not success at all, that being needed is not the same as being fulfilled, and that slowing down is not weakness. It is wisdom. It is also the reason I am so passionate about helping women create lives and careers that do not require them to sacrifice themselves in the process.

If you are reading this and something inside you is quietly saying, “This is me,” I want you to hear this clearly. You are not broken. You are not failing. You are not weak. You are human, and you are allowed to choose yourself. Not someday. Not when everything else is done. Now. Your life, your health, and your future are not meant to be the collateral damage of being everything to everyone else. You matter, and you always have.

Your Next Step

If this story resonated with you and you see yourself in any part of it, you do not have to navigate this alone. You deserve support that is centered on you, your health, your clarity, and your next chapter. I offer a complimentary 30-minute conversation for women who are ready to explore what it would look like to stop putting themselves last and start living with intention, alignment, and strength. This is not a sales call. It is simply a space to breathe, reflect, and see what might be possible with the right support beside you.

If something in you is ready for change, I invite you to book time with me. Your well-being is worth the investment, and you are worth choosing.

Contact me: coachkellynagel@gmail.com